Listen To your Horse

And once more it is time to say goodbye.

I’ve spend one month with Jini (www.listentoyourhorse.com) and I don’t think words can describe what I learned in this time. But because I haven’t written anything about this place, yet, I want to try it anyway. To put into words what this time was about for me.

I don’t even know where to start. It has been a time of learning. My complete journey is about learning, life is about learning. But these 5 weeks were so intensive.

As you might know I’ve been around horses almost all my life. I’ve started with watching my brothers “Hippo Therapy”, a therapy on horseback. Then I started riding in an traditional English barn, then had western lessons for about 8 years. Then I got to know the classical dressage. It’s a lot of variety. I looked into all different corners of the horse world. Had lessons here, were taught there.
Only during the past 4 years or something where I had one and later two lease horses I had a bit more freedom. It gave me the opportunity to work with horses intuitively. I could experiment around, find my way to do it.

But the lessons I had learned, the methods, the believe systems were in my head. Sometimes I wanted to do less but my “knowledge” told me to do more. To ride, to train, whatever. There is nothing wrong about these things in general but I often didn’t feel like doing it. I’m always looking to learn. Always looking to find the right way to do it, always looking to develop. Develop my skills so that I’ll get better. So that I’ll get closer to what I want to achieve. And I saw people around me knowing how to do it. They were so sure that they know how to do it, they even taught others. So I relieved them. I let them teach me, believed what they told me. Because I wanted to become like them. I, too, wanted to KNOW how to do it. Instead of being unsure of what I do is right or wrong. Because that is what it has been for me most times. I thought I don’t know it. But they do. So I listened.

Sometimes there was a quite voice inside of me that disagreed with what I was told but again, I thought they know. So I didn’t listen to this voice. I ignored it. Sometimes I just didn’t dare to speak up for it, sometimes I thought this voice is wrong. Doesn’t matter the reason, what matters here is that it was in me but never somewhere else. No one else spoke it out. And I don’t want to say here that this was the case every time. That I was silently suppressed by fear or that I never agreed with what I was taught. Just sometimes. Sometimes what I did felt wrong.

It took me a long time, it was a long, gentle process until I started to realize it, to sometimes listen to it. I did it mostly when I was alone. Whit the time going by, with gaining more and more experience with horses, with spending lots of time with horses, with growing up, with getting older, with developing myself and I think very importantly with hearing of people having the same resistance to traditional ways and seeing them speaking up for it and living it, I slowly began to trust more in myself. Listen to that inner voice to that feeling. Very slowly. And only very slightly. Because still I was often told different or, what happend probably most of the time, just didn’t get acknowledged and confirmation.
Everyone around me always did more than this voice would have told me to do in this situation. I don’t want to say I have always been gentler, kinder, less aggressive, ... than everyone around me. No. For sure I have not!

It wasn’t until now that I found someone who could tell me to do less. Not less than what others do. Less than what I did. Less pressure, less aggression, less dominance.
Less teaching the horse, less trying to change.
Less telling the horse what to do

.
But instead: Listen.
Listen to what your horse wants to tell you.
Listen to your horse.

I must confess, I’m exaggerating it bit right now. There are people doing less, telling to to less, listening and telling to listen more.
But I have never been so close to it. Reading about something is a complete different thing than living it for me. Seeing it happening in real life. Witnessing it with my own eyes.

Here is what Jini does with her horses: (at least that’s how I understand it, tell me it that’s wrong Jini)
Her goal is to have a friendship with them. A friendship like one between two humans. Not a partnership where the one has to serve the other. Not a partnership where the one will have fun while the other one doesn’t.
Jini doesn’t want to be the leader who is obeyed and followed by the horse. Dominanz is not necessary to build a relationship. It’s probably even contra produktiv. A friendship is based on trust and how/why should you trust someone who is bossing you around?

This perspective on being with horses is so different to what most people do.
It’s very “extreme” compared with other existing “methods” that try to give the horse more freedom and more voice.
And I think I really like that.
For two reasons: 1: we live in a polarized world. I’m trying to find my own way and it will be somewhere between the two extremes. I’m sure it’s way closer to the non dominant and liberate pole than to the traditional one. But to find out where exactly it is I need to know what is possible. I need to get to know both sides so that I can then decide which one I want to be closer to.
And 2: I like it. I like the idea to be with horses like that. It might be extreme but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. I think it is actually very very close to my truth. To what feels right to me.

Okay, let me try to state a result to my time with the horses and people of Listen To Your Horse.
My inner truth was nourished, the voice finally got a real confirmation. I learned to listen more instead of telling. To the horses but also to myself. Listen more to what it feels like. Does it feel right? Good. Does it feel wrong? Than don’t do it. Or at least be aware of that and stay true to myself.
Be real. Own it. That’s a big learning of these 5 weeks. Not only in horsey affairs. It often is quite difficult for me but eventually it’s worth the energy I put into it. Because lying to myself doesn’t feel good and doesn’t help me in the long term.

Oh where would I be without animals in my life? They teach me the best, most difficult but also most important lessons. Thank you horses!