Harmony

I like harmony. 

I hate disharmonie. 

I don't like it when people fight. I don't like it when word and action are not congruent. When expectations of someone and willingness to do that of another person are not conform. When a person doesn't feel very well or when something doesn't look harmonious.

I don't like disharmony.

I like harmony.

During the last week I've worked on a project together with a group and when it came to the point where we had to find a format to present our work I became aware of that. Because there are people that seem to like disharmony. Confusion. Disorientation. It's art for them and it's good. Pretty.

This is quite difficult for me to relate to. I can understand it to some degree, it's just I don't feel the same.

There were people saying I should dare to let go of my perfectionism, I should dare to not do it the way I've always done it. That it is normal that I think this way, it is because I've learned it that way. (this is about a bit more than just harmony now and was about a more exact topic in the situation. What is important for me here though is the core, that's why I leave out the details. Because I'm dealing with the meaning of it and that concerns more than just the format of our presentation)

I should dare to look beyond that and I can learn this other way.

I agree with a lot of what that person said. I'm sure that part of why I think in these schemes is because that's how my culture raised me. And how the teachers in school taught me to think. To learn. To plan. To do. To live. To do things the way that they make sense, that it is a closed topic with a question in the beginning and an answer at the end. I agree.

And I also believe, that it is something I can unlearn or look beyond. That I can learn to find the beauty in the non perfect. In the confusion and disharmony.

I do think that it is good and healthy to question oneself, the patterns, the beliefs, the systems I have.

The point why I'm struggling with taking on this advise is that I've asked myself: Do I really want that? Do I want to like disharmony? Do I want to leave this character trait of mine behind to get to know the other side even though I highly value it in myself?

Is there something wrong about liking harmony and disliking harmony?

Am I still living too much in my pink red fairytale world to think that harmony is what Im searching for, that harmony is what I'm reaching for?

I know that I want to let go of my perfectionism. I think that perfectionism is a not healthy, a too extreme version of the need for harmony.

I could conclude now that it has to be somewhere in between. That I have to find my middle way, the balance between perfectionism and muddle.

But for me, meeting half way, making a compromise, that is harmony. Because both sides are in balance and both sides are respected and it's fair and everyone got listened to and and and.

So I guess what is left for me to do is leave this question open for myself. Maybe you have interesting thoughts about it, maybe I'll find my answer in a few days. Maybe in a few years when I haven't thought about it anymore for a long time. Or maybe I'll never find the answer...