University

I’m at uni now.

I‘m a student now.

I decided to go to university. Study. In Germany.

It is so hard to write down those sentences. It’s hard to write them here. For you to read.

I began to write about this so many times and then I quit again. That wasn’t how I wanted to write it. Started again. Didn’t finish again.

I want to write about this topic for me and because I want to tell you. What I’ve done throughout the summer and what I do now.

Why is it hard to write it?
Because I’m so unsure if it is what I really want. If it really is the way I’m supposed to go.

Why am I not sure?
If only I knew that!

It‘s been such a long way from: “I’m sure I don’t want to go to university now” to thinking about it, to thinking about which study course, to saying I’m gonna start.

I came back to Germany and knew I didn’t want to study. But soon I had to realize that my parents expect me to. It felt like they want to press me into the old and narrow minded system. At first I was struggling with IF I want to study. But second I struggled with what I want to study then. I started to look for which study course I should choose and broke the thousands of options down to ecological agriculture, pedagogy, psychology, (alternative) medicine, life coaching and social work.

I really didn’t know what I should choose for a long time. Then I remembered something from a few years ago. It’s a picture in my head.
Of a farm with gardens for own food, with animals of all different species. People are coming to this place to find or regain their trust into themselves and into life. From experiencing, living there, being there.
I want to help the people be happy again.
With this deep dream / knowing of mine, I could finally find out which way to go. I found out which way will lead me to that destination.

The way is to start studying now. To study social work.

So I guess what my problem is is that I knew that I did not want to study. And now I don't trust myself that now it really is what I want to do.