Enough

Enough. What does that mean? People are often talking about that we are enough. Enough the way we are. I've read it so many times.
And I thought, yes, I know. I'm enough. I mean look at me, I'm pretty cool. I'm clever, I was good at school. I'm decently pretty, I'm athletic, I'm creative. I'm quite able and skilled in many disciplines. I'm kind, nice, polite. I'm well traveled at my age of only 19 years. I'm pretty mature for my age, and independent. I've already mastered some lessons of life, like I know how to communicate non-violently, know how to reflect myself. I'm working on myself to become a better me. I'm vegan, I'm good with animals, good with kids,...
Isn't that enough? I'm so good, how could I not be enough?

A few weeks ago I went on a walk with myself and the stars. In the dark through the fields and the dust that had occurred when night fell that day. I took time to listen to me, went deep to the roots of my emotions and found a surprising truth: I'm only enough to myself when I'm good. When I am better. When I'm special. So young and is already traveling so much and all by herself. So good at school, always getting good grades. So good with horses, they always like her. She can be proud of herself. And yes, I am. But the worth I concede myself is built on that. Only on that pride. What if all of a sudden all these things disappeared? What if my life wasn't as glorious? The answer inside of me is that I would not be enough. There's is a fear of not being enough to my friends or to my parents. This fear is there but I think deep inside of me I know that that won't be true. They would still be there for me even if I wasn't all these glorious things. At least I can hope so and imagine it. I know that this is a fear, not my belief.
But what I found is that I would not be enough to myself. And this goes way deeper. It's a conviction. Not just a fear. I really belief it. I believe that I have to be special to be enough.

Self-knowledge is the first step towards self-improvement. I know that many people have this belief. If you think so, too please look at it in yourself. Raising awareness is the key.
"You are enough"
I have heard it so many times and still I don't trust it, I don't know it to be true, yet. But what I found is that I know to be true that everyone else is enough in every single moment no matter what. Being kind to yourself, forgiving yourself and loving yourself often is the most difficult.
Since I found out about this I tell myself "I am enough" every night before I go to sleep. That is how I convince myself. By telling me over and over again.

I am enough.
I am enough just because. I am enough the way I am and I will always be enough. No matter who or how I am.

And so are you.
You are enough.